Unforgiveness and bitterness are struggles many believers silently wrestle with.
You may love God, read your Bible, attend church faithfully—yet find it so difficult to forgive someone who hurt you deeply.
The real reason many Christians struggle with forgiveness is not because they are unwilling, but because they simply don’t know how to forgive someone biblically.
In this post, we will explore:
✅ Why forgiveness is critical
✅ What the Bible says about forgiving others
✅ How to practically forgive
✅ How to deal with lingering bitterness
Why Must We Forgive Others?
Jesus made it very clear:
Matthew 6:15 — But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Most of us hear this verse and think: “I must forgive so that God will forgive me.”
That is true—but there’s more to it.
When you sin against someone, you commit two offenses:
1️⃣ You sin against God (breaking His commandment).
2️⃣ You sin against your brother or sister by transgressing against them.
👉 Example: If you tell a lie about someone in church:
- You break God’s commandment: Thou shalt not lie.
- You harm your brother/sister with that lie.
Two transgressions → Two necessary forms of forgiveness.
You need:
✅ God’s forgiveness
✅ The offended person’s forgiveness
How God Sees Unforgiveness (A Legal Perspective)
When you sin, the devil accuses you before God (Revelation 12:10).
A legal record of your offense is entered in God’s courtroom (see post for more on this).
In order for that record to be erased:
✅ You must confess your sin to God and receive His forgiveness → 1 John 1:9
✅ You must also seek forgiveness from the person you wronged → Matthew 5:23-24
Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
What If They Refuse to Forgive You?
Sometimes you may genuinely try to make things right—but the other person refuses to forgive. What then?
God provides a process in Matthew 18:15-17:
1️⃣ Go to them privately and seek reconciliation.
2️⃣ If they refuse, bring 1 or 2 witnesses to show you tried.
3️⃣ If they still refuse, tell it to the church leadership.
Why witnesses?
- In God’s courtroom, witnesses can testify that you tried in good faith to reconcile—even if the other person refused.
- This allows God to legally override their refusal and fully expunge your sin from the record.
2 Corinthians 13:1 — In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.
⚠️ The offended party who refuses to forgive puts themselves in a dangerous position:
If they later need forgiveness from God, they may find it withheld.
What About Sins Against Non-Believers?
Many wonder: What about people I sinned against before I got saved? Or unbelievers I offended?
My understanding is this:
- The principles of Matthew 5 and Matthew 18 apply to how we handle offenses within the body of Christ.
- The church has no authority over unbelievers who may refuse to forgive.
- However—if you can find the person and seek to make it right, you should.
- If reconciliation is impossible (they can’t be found, or refuse), entrust the matter to God after making a genuine attempt.
Romans 12:18 — If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
A Powerful Example: Job’s Story of Forgiveness
Job 42:10 — And the LORD turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends.
Why did God wait until Job prayed for his friends to restore him?
Job’s friends had sinned:
✅ Against God (speaking falsely about Him)
✅ Against Job (accusing and wounding him)
They needed:
✅ God’s forgiveness
✅ Job’s forgiveness
God required Job to pray for them—a demonstration that he had forgiven them.
Only after this act of forgiveness did God restore double to Job.
Forgiveness released Job’s own blessing.
Unforgiveness would have blocked it.
How Do You Actually Forgive?
Many believers ask: How do I practically forgive?
Here is a simple, biblical process:
1️⃣ Confess forgiveness to God:
“Lord Jesus, I confess to You that I forgive [insert name] for [insert what they did].
I will no longer hold anything in my heart against them.”
2️⃣ Deal with lingering bitterness:
If you’ve held unforgiveness for a long time, bitterness may have taken root.
Bitterness defiles and torments believers (Hebrews 12:15). I encourage you to also read this post on Forgiveness vs. Bitterness for a deeper understanding of how to deal with bitterness.
Pray:
“Lord Jesus, I confess I have kept bitterness in my heart against [insert name].
Your Word says bitterness defiles us. I now forgive them fully.
I ask You to forgive me for holding bitterness and cleanse me from it.”
👉 Spend some time in prayer and worship asking the Lord to fully cleanse your heart.
When bitterness has taken deep roots, it may not all go in one prayer—but you will certainly see a difference.
3️⃣ Resist spiritual attacks:
If feelings of unforgiveness or bitterness return:
- Declare aloud that you have forgiven the person.
- Command any spirits of unforgiveness and bitterness to leave in Jesus’ name.
“I have forgiven [insert name]. I refuse to walk in bitterness. Spirits of unforgiveness and bitterness, leave me now in Jesus’ name.”
Final Thoughts: Forgiveness Is Freedom
Forgiveness is not about how you feel. It is an act of obedience and faith.
You forgive:
✅ To honor God’s Word
✅ To release yourself from spiritual captivity
✅ To open the door to blessings and freedom
Summary:
- You need both God’s forgiveness and your brother’s forgiveness to expunge sin.
- If reconciliation is impossible despite sincere effort, God can legally clear your record.
- Bitterness must also be confessed and cleansed.
- Forgiveness unlocks spiritual freedom and blessing.
Reflection:
Is there anyone you need to forgive today?
Take the first step—confess forgiveness to God and walk in freedom.