Many people say that forgiving others is hard. But the truth is, forgiveness is actually very simple—if you understand how to do it. Without the right understanding, forgiveness seems impossible, especially when reminders of past pain and hurt flood your mind.
You might be thinking:
“How can I forgive when the pain still feels so real?”
“How can I let go of what they did to me?”
If that’s you, you’re not alone. But here’s something important to know:
👉 In many cases, what we call “unforgiveness” is actually bitterness taking root.
The Difference Between Forgiveness and Bitterness
Forgiveness means releasing someone from the debt they owe you because of their wrongdoing — not because they deserve it, but because Jesus forgave you.
Bitterness is defined as “feeling or showing anger, hurt, or resentment because of bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.”
(Source: online dictionary)
When we look closely, we realize that what many describe as “unforgiveness” is truly bitterness in their hearts.
This means that you may have been misdiagnosing the real issue. Instead of trying only to “forgive,” you need to deal with the root of bitterness.
How to Overcome Bitterness
1️⃣ Confess Your Sins
The first step is to confess bitterness as sin:
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
In prayer, confess to Jesus that you have been holding bitterness in your heart. Acknowledge that it is wrong, and ask Him for both forgiveness and cleansing.
⚠️ Note: God forgives immediately when you confess.
But cleansing your heart from bitterness is a process. You may need to spend some time in prayer, repeatedly asking the Lord to cleanse your heart. When bitterness has taken deep roots, it may not all leave in one prayer — but you will certainly begin to see a difference as you continue seeking the Lord for cleansing. (More on this in an upcoming post.)
2️⃣ Declare the Word of God Against Bitterness
Whenever bitter thoughts arise about the person who wronged you, speak the Word of God out loud to combat these thoughts.
You can say something like:
“I refuse to hold bitterness against [insert person’s name]. I choose to obey God’s Word. I release them, and I will not entertain bitterness in my heart.”
Speaking the Word of God out loud helps to renew your mind and align your emotions with God’s truth.
3️⃣ Deal with Bitterness and Unforgiveness Together
I strongly recommend addressing both bitterness and unforgiveness at the same time. Many people try to forgive without addressing bitterness, which makes the process more difficult.
You may now be asking, “But how do I forgive?” That is an excellent question—and we will explore the practical steps to forgiveness in an upcoming article.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been struggling with forgiveness, ask yourself: Am I actually bitter?
Start by confessing bitterness, seek cleansing, and declare the truth of God’s Word over your emotions. When you address bitterness head-on, true forgiveness becomes much easier—and you will walk in the freedom God desires for you.